Korea calls

We stayed in San Angelo, TX for 6 months for Joe to finish his military language training (the part where I got out of the Air Force) and then moved ourselves to Fort Meade, Maryland. It was another Army Post, so the housing was terrible. We literally lived in ghetto housing, and I'm not trying to be offensive. When you see pictures of "the ghetto," usually the buildings are red brick, 3 stories high, windows missing, etc. That was what we lived in. The buildings were actually condemned, but we had to live in them because they had no room in the better housing, weren't finished building the rest of the housing, and we couldn't afford to live off base. We had noisy neighbors! The police came to check on those neighbors a few times, but not because I called. They were just rambunctious people.
We lived there for 15 months. Several people came to visit us. We went to Niagara Falls with my parents, where CAylea almost choked horribly on salad. I had to turn her upside down and beat her back, then she threw up all over the floor of the restaurant. She was 15 months old. She was so cute. We got a chocolate lab and named him Chewy. He was an awesome dog. We got the news that Joe had to leave for Korea in March 1998. In February we left Fort Meade and went to visit various family members. We stored our furniture with my best friend, Shannon, because she had room. Looking back on that now, I realize what a huge favor she did for me, but I was young and probably didn't thank her nearly enough. I did thank her, just probably not enough.
We put Joe on the plane and went to live with my parents. They loved having Caylea live with them. She basically potty trained herself. She was a month shy of 2 and said, "Mommy, I want big girl panties." I had taken her to Wal-Mart and shown her what big-girl panties look like, and that she could pick whichever ones she wanted if she would just stop wearing diapers. A week later, she put in her request. She used to sit on the toilet and sing various songs from "The Lion King," including, "Can You Feel the Love Tonight." She got very lonely if she had to be in the bahtroom for any length of time, but my mom and I were tired of sitting with her so long, so I told her to sing loud enough for me to hear her. I have it on video, poor kid. :)
We stayed with my parents through Caylea's 2nd birthday. It was right around the time when Mom & Dad bought their ranch, so we got to play with cows and just be country, which is something I love. We moved in with Joe's parents in late April. I felt like I needed to give them some Caylea time too. My plan was to just hop back and forth the entire year. Once I got to his parents, though, my Dad had mentioned me resuming my college courses (I had an Associate's, but needed to get going on the Bachelor's), so I signed up for summer school. Joe's Mom kept Caylea and loved every minute of it. I didn't have a hard time letting her keep Caylea either. I've never had a hard time leaving my kids with his mom or mine, I just don't like leaving them overnight. I'm weird that way. Anyway, by June, amidst video conferences and what-not, Joe was continually asking me to come to Korea. I didn't even know how to go about it, much less the financial repercussions because the Air Force wouldn't pay our way. Caylea wouldn't talk to her Daddy on the video phone because, "I'm mad at Daddy for staying at work too long." I could always get her to talk to him eventually, but it took me being firm with her. Those were her first real lessons on putting someone else ahead of yourself. Joe would make video tapes of himself reading so Daddy could "read" to her, even if it was a video. Anyway, I had that Nissan Maxima that my parents had given me when I was 17, and I decided that I could sell it and get just enough to cover the cost of the plane tickets, plus have an additional $1,000 to get settled in Korea, so that's what we did. I sold the car, got our "overseas" shots, and went to Korea. I didn't get to see my parents before I left, but when you're young, newly married, with a 2 year old, you just don't think about Mom and Dad as much. Joe's parents took me to the airport. I had given his Dad the tickets and our passports to hold on to while I loaded the vehicle and otherwise got ready. I told him, "Hold on to these with your life and give them back to me at the airport." We got to the airport and I said, "Dad, can I have the passports and tickets, please?" He said, "I don't have them." I think I immediately paled and, instead of carrying out his joke, Joe's Mom slapped him on the arm and he produced the tickets and passports. Bad timing for a joke like that. :)
We got on the plane in Atlanta, Georgia, flew to Chicago where we landed at 2am and the plane malfunctioned. What is it with me and malfunctioning planes? Anyway, they made us clear EVERYTHING off of the plane. Keep in mind, it's 2am. Caylea is dead weight and, according to airport law at the time, she had to ride in a car seat. I had to carry her, her car seat, and our carry-on luggage off of the plane and sit on a hard tiled floor for 2 hours while they "fixed" the plane. Not a single person offered to help me. Hold on, I'm doing breathing exercises. I still remember how mad I was about that.
We got back on the plane and went back to sleep. That morning, still in air, I was reading out loud to Caylea (1,000 book baby, remember?) and she was chattering my ear off (because she spoke in sentences at 1 year old), and all of a sudden I had about 5 Korean kids either in my lap, at my feet, or climbing over the back and front of the chairs to hear the story. We had a good time on that trip, and the kids in our general section never cried.
We landed at Seoul International in Korea and had to go through a very long customs line. Again, I had to pick up all of my own luggage, but even with the luggage cart, it was quite cumbersome. I ended up seeing an American face, so I yelled across the hall, "Hey, American! Come help me, PLEASE!" He was a soldier. I shouldn't have had to ask. You could say that I'm not typical when it comes to men being gentlemanly. If a man opens a door for me, I let him and I say, "Thank you." If he doesn't open a door for me, I generally give him a dirty look. It took so long that Caylea started having to go potty. There was no bathroom, only a long, white hall. I asked her if she could possibly hold it and she said, "I'll try Mommy." 10 people before the end of the customs line, she wet her pants. I don't tell this story to humiliate her at all. She was such a trooper. She cried and cried because she had wet her pants, but I knew that he Daddy was just outside those doors that were now within 20 feet of us, so I cleaned her up and left the mess on the floor. No, I'm not lazy, but again, NO ONE tried to help me. I did put some wipes down on top of the mess. There wasn't even a trash can in that hall. What was I supposed to do?
We got through customs, through the massive doors, and out into "freedom." Where was Joe? Our friend, Hugh Hodson, was there with Joe to pick us up and he actually spotted us first, so I started walking towards him, not knowing that Joe was running from the other side of the customs gate (they covered both ends, not knowing which one I was coming from). We finally had our Daddy back, but Caylea was actually playing shy with him of all things!
We lived off base in a TINY apartment (Air Force wasn't paying our way), where mice could come in through the door. We put poison outside the door and found a mouse running in circles outside our door one morning. The poison hadn't quite worked yet. Joe took care of it.
We were there 2 weeks when I started feeling sick to my stomach. There have only been 3 times in my life when I've felt that way. Their names are Caylea, Chloe, and Joshua. I told Joe I was prengant before I even took the test and he just laughed. He didn't think I could be pregnant that quickly or that I would be sick that soon. I went and took a test and, of course, it was positive. That same day, the Air Force told us that we were "command sponsored," which basically means that they were going to support our family while in Korea. That meant extra money for living expenses and permission to use the base facilities. We moved into a 12 story apartment building, on the 9th floor, and met Jeff and Jamie White, some of our favorite friends. They taught us how to play Pinnocle (if I spelled that right) and we were with them every weekend. Everyone was "mad" at me because I wasn't showing the pregnancy. Again, though, when you throw up for 5 or 6 months, you don't gain any weight. I did gain 40 pounds with both of the girls, but I put every single pound of it on in the last 4 months (except for Chloe, I gained 10, then lost 10, then gained 30 back). I had her on March 10, 1999. I went into labor with her twice, was dilated to 4 for a month, and she still wouldn't come out. She was due on March 6th and we were an hour away from the hospital, so I let them induce me on March 10th because I just didn't want to get stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital. It was notoriously bad in Seoul, and you could be stuck for hours. They put a gel on my cervix and I immediately went into labor. They told me that she would be 9 pounds. She was 7 pounds 6 ounces and I delivered her head. My doctor was leaving because he didn't think I'd be having her any time soon but I said, "I'm pushing" and the nurse grabbed some doctor I had never even met out of the hall (a Korean man) and she actually told me to stop pushing. This is AFTER I had delivered Chloe's head. I think I may have given her a dirty look. Joe says I was very quiet for Chloe's birth too. I do remember that. I've always been that way...when in pain, be quiet and deal with it mentally and you'll do much better. This Korean doctor walks in, now gown, mind y ou, just some green gloves, and delivers the rest of Chloe. my birth letter, which they had in hand, said that she was to go immediately to my stomach. They didn't do that. They took her to the "warming" area to get her breathing because her immediate APGAR score was only a 7. That's the first time I got loud with them. I believe I said something to the effect of, "Give me my baby NOW or I will get up out of this bed and take her from you. I CAN GET HER TO BREATHE." They gave her to me. I massaged her back while they sucked her nose and mouth. I breast fed her immediately too and her second APGAR was a 10, obviously. She just needed her mommy. She was so different from Caylea. She had reddish brown hair and very light skin. Her eyes were just as expressive, though, and that deep, dark brown that we've all come to know and adore. She was so tiny, though! I had a butterball in Caylea, and Chloe seemed so breakable! I finally let JOe's parents hold her while the doctor finished cleaning me up. I believe I flinched a little bit and he said, "Oh be quiet. You are a tough American woman. You had this baby with no drugs, you can handle this part fine. " I just stared at him and he then said, "I'll try to be more gentle." Thanks for "the look," whoever passed it down to me. It works wonders, even on grown men. :)
Joe's parents were there, by the way. I tend to write things as i remember them, not particularly in the best order. They had come specifically for her birth, another reason I let them induce me with Chloe. Joe's Dad held her and said, "She's beautiful, but she's not my grandson." He had said the same thing with Caylea. He also told me, after having Caylea, "Don't have any more. Just spoil this one." After Chloe, he said, "Don't have any more. 2 is enough." Joe's mom wasn't in the delivery room when I had Chloe because she wasn tending to Caylea. Caylea was so excited to see "my baby." That's what she called Chloe. "My baby sister." She was very protective of her, and Caylea took that first nap with me as Daddy went to bathe Chloe.
I hated that hospital. I intensely disliked their nursing staff. They walked into my room around midnight (I had Chloe at 530pm) and told me that I was NOT allowed to sleep with the baby, that many mothers had dropped their infants and that tile floors were not forgiving. I believe I said something to the effect of, "Just try and take my child from me." They didn't. I didn't drop her (who would, honestly?) We slept just fine, thank you. Then they tried to draw Chloe's blood from her wrist. They had her wrist bent back at a very unnatural angle, Chloe was SCREAMING, and I had had enough. I told them if they wanted more of her blood, there were going to have to fight me for it, to deal with what they had. YOu may be wondering why I was so cantankerous, but I have to honestly say that that was the worst hospital experience I've ever had. They were MEAN nurses, they got mad when I said, "No drugs, please," and they left me with one young, inexperienced nurse. The older nurse actually said to me, "If you're not going ot take the drugs, I don't want to hear you screaming." I don't scream. I literally had silent births. I get upset when people attack my children with needles for no reason. That's when I yelled, and it was the same nurse who had abandoned me, causing me to have to deliver my child's head. (That was actually pretty cool, but difficult to do in the position I was in. If I had been in the woods, I wouldn't have needed anyone, thank you.)
We took Chloe home and Caylea became the best helper. She rubbed my feet with lotion while I breast fed, brought me diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. She even helped me give Chloe her first bath at home. We took lots of walks together all summer long, and in November Joe had to leave for Airman Leadership School so he could pin on Staff Sergeant. He was gone for 7 weeks, so my grandmother, GG, came to visit. Chloe crawled at 4 1/2 months old, was walking by 7 months, but we lived in a small apartment, so she never really had to let go of anything. GG got there and we had a small Christmas tree up. At 9 months old, Chloe said, "GG, tree on." She wanted my grandmother to turn the lights on for the tree. My grandmother was absolutely perplexed that a 9 month old baby could speak like that. This part will be in my book...'How to get your child to speak at an early age." The last chapter might say..."How to get your child to be quiet." :) Anyway, GG left and Joe came back. Oh, my best friend, Susan, came to visit with my grandmother in August, and then GG came back in December. We really had a good time. Joe got back and we went out to our final Korean dinner at "Sam Eel" restaurant in downtown Osan. A friend was holding Chloe, feeding her rice. She put her little chubby hand up and said, "No, meat." She's always loved meat, and she likes her steak medium rare. :)
We left Korea and, on the plane, an air force man said, "Hey ladies, how does it feel to be ugly again?" I'll never forget that. In other words, in Korea you're attractive because there aren't enough of you to go around. We're going home now, so you're ugly again. I laughed.
We got to San Angelo, TX, AGAIN, where Joe would be teaching. We had 3 year old Caylea and 1 year old Chloe and we were happy.

Korea taught us how to be a family without family around. We completely depending on each other. We had church in our home with other families, we played games, we took walks, and we didn't call momma every time something went wrong. (I should say that I didn't call momma, Joe never did that.) We worked things out ourselves. We were by no means perfect, YET, but our children were. :)

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife." Matthew

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